Dear Dave:

I was reading your site trying to see if there is a pattern… a method to your madness as to why you would disappear from everyone who cares about you and I came across this post of yours. This does not reflect who you are based on what you are doing if you believed these words you have committed to print.

Some excerpts, and these are your words:

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been struggling with some parenting issue, trying for an hour to make my 5 year old “do” something he’s supposed to, and she’s swept in and taken care of the issue within 60 seconds. <…>. I could give a hundred examples of how she does this, but this blog is called Rock Your Day, not My Wife Rocks, so I’ll leave it at this one. :-)

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A quick note on this: I’ve heard a lot of people talk about having to distance themselves from “negative people,” and they take that to mean they ditch their partners and family members. <…>  I think that some people use this as a crutch to justify giving up on people <…>.

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Some people say that their partners are “always negative” or “a pain” or even “unwilling to change.” If you’re thinking along the same lines, I challenge you get brutally honest and ask yourself if the real problem is that they’re simply mirroring your standards? I know that in my life, I tend to get most frustrated with people who – wait for it – demonstrate my own weaknesses. It’s crazy. It’s also human nature, because I see it in others all the time.

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If you have a partner who you feel has lower standards than yours, may I suggest that you entertain the possibility that you’re in the position to be a positive influence? It’s not the easy way out, I know, but it may just be the challenge they’re secretly waiting for you to take up, but are too shy to ask. :-)

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Bottom line: Your partner and you control each other’s lives more than you probably acknowledge. Use that power over their standards for good, and not evil (or worse yet, indifference). And if your partner’s standards are dragging you down, don’t make ditching them your first option – instead, lock in a core group of friends who have higher standards so you can keep yours up, and raise your partner up in the process.

Brother, this last statement is what I begged you to do before I saw you for the final time before you broke off all contact. You can do it. Raise your standards. Return to your family. Be accountable. Make your wife, and your family, one that people only dream about.

Did you write these words, or did someone else? Did you believe them, or is this, like all the other stuff you teach your clients, just a bunch of talk you yourself don’t believe?

Let’s get together, brother, and heal the chasm between you and your family, and THEN we sure will have something to write about.

-Anthony